So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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