New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
