guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
