It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
