me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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