The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
