ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
