First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
