Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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