apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
