Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
