dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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