Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
