First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
