You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
my poor anus
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize