wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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