I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
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He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
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No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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