you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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