OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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