nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
