for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize