somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
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If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
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I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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