I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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