just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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