he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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