I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You need Xanax blowdarts
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
