So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
