I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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