Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
