dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
