i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
