Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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