who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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