I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
