I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Drake has all the answers
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.