you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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