I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
