You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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