i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
