Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
