Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You are the jesus of drinking
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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