I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
