Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
