So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
