I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
