You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm just crazy horny about you
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
