Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
