Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
