Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
