So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize