It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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