I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
