just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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