You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
