I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
