i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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