yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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