I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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