I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
FUCK WHALES
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
