Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
