she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
