TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
