I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
