Your tits are I can't wait for
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
