I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
