i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize