im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
