Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
