I want to have your abortion
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
